The Prayer That Heals
“I’m sorry, Please forgive me, Thank you, I love you.” The Ho’oponopono Prayer, four simple phrases changed what was a turbulent, toxic, self destructive divorce situation into cohesive co-parenting, peace, and friendship post divorce.
James and I couldn’t agree on anything. Every conversation ended in a screamfest and a four letter word sling shot competition. I left every interaction with him sick to my stomach, distraught, angry, anxious, and afraid. My hair was falling out, I wasn’t sleeping. I wasn’t eating, and I definitely wasn't present with my kids, job, and daily life. I felt no joy. No reprieve, no peace. Wasn't this why I was getting divorced in the first place? Everything felt laborsome, hard, and very heavy. More importantly no one was winning; not me, not him, and our poor kids were stuck in the middle.
After one burly four letter fight fest over the phone, I decided I couldn't live like this anymore. I booked a flight to India and Eat. Pray. Loved. my way through my 300 hour Yoga Teacher Training at an ashram in Rishikesh India situated at the base of the Himalayan mountains. I’m not saying everyone can or should take this approach to cohesive parenting post divorce, but the stars aligned in my favor and this was my way. It was there I learned to drop my pride. I learned a lot about EGO, FEAR, and what LOVE looks like. I learned how to breathe properly. I learned to regulate my central nervous system. I learned to take accountability. I learned to become a better listener. I learned to create boundaries. I learned to accept all potential outcomes as lessons, opportunities, and catalysts for my own personal evolution. I started to feel more comfortable with the unknown. Prior to my discoveries and unravelings in India I was so fearful of losing control. Losing control of the known and what I thought I knew, what I thought I wanted and how to get it. What I took home was a toolkit I began using to rebuild a healing, healthy relationship with myself and my former husband.
You see what I wanted was peace, what he wanted was peace. I was afraid of what I would be losing, he was afraid of what he would be losing and neither of us were winning.
As soon as I shifted my energy, my words, and my heart, everything changed.
I learned the Ho’oppono prayer while studying in India. Chanting, repeating, feeling these four phrases helped heal me, soften me, and him. I began reframing my thoughts. Asking myself in every interaction, “What could love do here?”
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It wasn’t easy at first, old habits die hard; and there was still all of that hurt and fear beneath it. But love is greater than fear, and it heals hurt, turns out you can teach an old dog new tricks.
And so I began. I would turn every interaction into an opportunity to heal me, to find peace, and to show up in love. Initially he still wanted to fight, to disagree, to go to battle. I would simply lay my weapon down and open my arms, in my mind I would repeat, (quietly to myself) What could love do here? And I would chant to myself, quietly in my head with a deep breath: “I am sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.” I never said this prayer aloud to him, although I have, over the span of the last seven years, said each of these phrases individually and at different moments in various conversations. But the main effect was the energy that was present when saying it to myself. When my mind would travel down the trail of contentious thoughts, hate, and resentment, I’d return it to the prayer. There is a stillness and energy that comes with these wise words.
As soon as I started communicating and connecting with James in this way, EVERYTHING shifted. I lost the desire to fight, I just wanted peace; peace for myself, peace for him, peace for our children. As soon as I started showing up as a better version of myself, so did he. We moved past fear and into finding solutions. It began with a desire for something different and it began with ME, instigating change within myself first and then it just started to ripple out into every aspect of my life and into every relationship. It's been eight years since James and I separated; it’s been a journey and sometimes a rough road, but we are friends, we co-parent effectively, peacefully, and with LOVE. I am better because of it, he is better because of it, and our children are THRIVING!
Divorce is challenging, change is hard, but every day we have on this earth is an opportunity to level up, to choose the way we will engage, respond, and be in relationship with ourselves and others. Choose LOVE! Choose FORGIVENESS! Choose GRATITUDE! And watch your entire world shift for the better. Me and my family are living proof! Experiment with it, what have you got to lose?
Jen Mason is a Utah native and mother to four amazing children. She spends the most important moments of the day raising them, driving them, feeding them, and cheering them on as they walk through the teen years as their number one fan.
Jen is also a meditation teacher, breathwork facilitator, healer, global retreat leader, and yoga instructor. She prescribes kriyas to her students as a means for healing, elevating, and liberating the mind, body, and spirit. You can find more information about her upcoming workshops, classes, retreats, and practices @jm0424 on instagram, by emailing her at jennmason0424@gmail.com, or dropping a DM on Facebook. She’d love to hear from you and connect with you!