If you are considering divorce or have recently filed for one, you might have come across the term ‘divorce mediation’. But how does divorce mediation work? What are the benefits, risks, or costs associated with it? In this article, our team aim to answer these and other important questions about divorce mediation in Colorado.

It is becoming increasingly common to opt for divorce mediation instead of litigation. There are many reasons for this including lesser costs, easier processes than going to court, and efficient, more peaceful resolution of disputes. Before delving into the details of divorce mediation, let’s first understand the basics of a divorce.

The process of divorce in Colorado

Each divorce process goes through the following steps:

1. Initial filing – either of the spouses can file for divorce, given that they have been a resident of Colorado for 91 days or more.
2. Scheduling hearing, court dates, and temporary orders – the court may issue temporary orders regarding finances, custody, or other aspects that require immediate attention. You will also receive deadlines for mandatory disclosures or requests for further documentation during this time.
3. Financial disclosures – you and your spouse will have to make extensive mandatory financial disclosures. You can request an attorney’s help with this since it can be overwhelming.
4. Negotiations, mediations, and hearings – you will agree on the division of property and other assets, as well as child custody, at this stage.
5. Resolution of marriage – once everything is agreed upon, the court will grant you a Decree of Dissolution of Marriage.

Visit this page for in-depth information about divorce processes and your options.

What is divorce mediation?

Mediation is different from divorce, although it can also often be a part of the divorce process. It’s a process where both spouses discuss the terms of their divorce with a neutral third party, who are often psychologists and attorneys. The mediator does not work for either of the spouses individually and they only help you reach a mutually agreeable outcome.

Mediation promotes conflict resolution between the spouses and facilitates arriving at the terms of divorce more peacefully. Since mediators do not act as attorneys for either of the parties, they cannot make a legal decision for you. However, they can guide both of you towards mutually desired outcomes. They can help you decide about the important aspects of a divorce such as the division of finances, property, other assets, and even child custody.

Mediation sessions are confidential and safe spaces for you and your spouse to work towards your desired outcomes. Unlike litigation, mediation is oriented towards amicably resolving your differences to arrive at mutual decisions rather than fighting each other at court. It has a cooperative, open approach where both of you can discuss your expectations. Keep in mind, though, that it will only work if both parties are honest and forthcoming about their financial and other disclosures.

Mediation is also often much less expensive and much less taxing on both parties. The mediation process is in your control since the mediator is only there to facilitate open, honest, and civil communication between you and your spouse. They are not fighting for or against either of you, unlike attorneys at court. Visit our Divorce Mediation page for more information.

Let’s take a look at when mediation is the right choice for you, what are the benefits associated with it, and how it works.

When should you choose divorce mediation?

In most states, mediation is a part of the divorce process. However, you can always choose to go for mediation without orders from a court, and sometimes even before you file your divorce petition. It works 90% of the time and divorces are settled amicably and with mutually agreed terms. But mediation is the right choice for you especially in the following cases:

1) If you and your spouse want a peaceful divorce – When you have both already discussed that you want to separate peacefully and don’t want ugly fights over the division of assets, mediation is the best way forward.

2) If there is a lot of chaos surrounding your divorce – If either or both of your emotions have been running overtime and there seems to be no way to discuss the divorce in a civil manner, mediation is your solution. The mediator can guide your conversations in a positive direction even if you are both feeling very emotional and can resolve your terms amicably.

3) If the terms involved are complicated – If the terms of your divorce seem complicated for any reason, your mediator can help you work through all the complications step-by-step and peacefully, while still being focused on your mutual goals.

4) If you wish to reduce the costs of your divorce – Mediation is much less expensive than hiring attorneys and fighting at court. You can achieve the same results with a mediator that you would with attorneys fighting against each other, but more respectfully and at a lesser cost.

5) If you have children – Mediation can help you decide mutually acceptable custody or parenting time for your children.

6) If you want to avoid the emotional stress and hassles of court trials – Mediation works when both parties are open to each other’s ideas and are willing to compromise. So, it is much less emotionally stressful. Moreover, everything discussed in mediation is confidential. So, if it doesn’t work and you must go to court, anything discussed in mediation cannot be brought up.

Other benefits of mediation

Divorce mediators are skilled, experienced professionals who can focus on both individuals and their interests to help them reach a nail down the terms of their divorce without a fight. Unlike attorneys fighting at a court trial, mediators are focused on both parties as individuals and not only on protecting them.

It is a good idea to consult an attorney to understand what you can and should not give up in mediation. But both spouses can openly discuss their concerns and arrive at mutual decisions without unnecessarily compromising on their interests. A mediator is not obligated to speak on behalf of only one of the spouses, unlike attorneys. It allows them to find solutions that you and your spouse may not have thought of or that your attorneys couldn’t think of.

A couple of other benefits of mediation are:

• No distortion of information – when you’re working with attorneys, any information you wish to pass on to the other party goes through multiple people before reaching them. By the time they receive it, it may not even be what you wanted them to know, and the meaning could have completely changed. Instead, when both the parties are present at the mediator’s office, they can discuss their concerns openly and can clarify things before they become misunderstanding.

• Increased efficiency at a lesser cost – as mentioned above, working with attorneys involves multiple people. It also means that your message will take that much longer to reach your spouse and vice versa. With the extra time used for communication, your costs also increase. With mediation, you can avoid all the hassle and ensure swift communication since it’s only you, your spouse, and your mediator in the loop.

How does divorce mediation work?

The following stages are involved in the mediation process –

6. Introduction – This is the first step in mediation where you and your spouse introduce yourselves to the mediator and give them the background of your divorce. They will then discuss with you the approach you will take and how the rest of the mediation process will work.

7. Information gathering – at this point, you and your spouse will have to disclose your financial, asset, and child-related information. You will also discuss the legal obligations of your case and any other relevant information that they may ask you for.

8. Outlining – you and your spouse will each outline the reasons you want certain outcomes, with the help of your mediator. These reasons could be individual goals, priorities, values, and concerns surrounding the divorce and other people involved such as children. At this stage, the concerns of both parties might often overlap, especially concerning their children or other dependents, which makes settlement easier.

9. Negotiation – any terms outlined in the previous stage that are not acceptable to the other spouse will be discussed at this stage to reach a compromise or a mutually agreeable solution.

10. Conclusion – once all the terms have been negotiated and settled, the mediator will draw up a tentative settlement agreement that outlines all the terms discussed. Both spouses will then review the agreement and check with their respective attorneys if needed. If the terms are uncomplicated, the mediator will draft a memorandum of understanding outlining the terms of settlement which acts as a basis for filing a mutual divorce.

Read about mediation in more detail here.

Frequently asked questions about mediation

1) Is mediation mandatory for getting a divorce?

Some courts in Colorado require mediation before you can request a hearing and others do not. In any case, it’s advisable to opt for mediation in the early stages of the divorce to avoid unnecessary hassles and ugly fights. Issues can intensify severely in the later stages of the divorce if mediation is not sought early on, and it’s best to avoid such a situation.

2) Must both spouses always meet together or can we meet separately?

Generally, going through the mediation process together works best for the mutual resolution and settlement of terms.

However, there may be cases where: i) your attorneys are attending mediation with you ii) or court orders don’t allow the two parties to communicate directly iii) or you may need to discuss your individual concerns privately with the mediator. In such cases, the two parties can be seated in separate rooms and the mediator will follow what is known as a “shuttle” process by going back and forth between the two parties.

3) Do we need to file for divorce before mediation?

No. It is not mandatory to file a divorce petition before coming for mediation, although you can choose to file for one. You can also seek mediation if you haven’t considered divorce yet.

4) Can mediation work if one of us resides outside Colorado?

Yes, in most cases mediation will work even if you and your spouse do not both live in Colorado. It is encouraged that you both have at least one in-person meeting with the mediator to allow the building of trust with them. However, other sessions can be conducted over the telephone. In case the other party is traveling especially for the mediation sessions, we can arrange longer sessions at once so cover more ground in fewer visits.

5) When is mediation the wrong choice? Mediation is almost always the right choice for or before divorce, but there are certain cases where it may be the wrong choice. They are: • In cases of domestic violence • When there is a vast imbalance of power between parties • When either of the spouses has a history of manipulation • When either of the spouses cannot effectively participate in the process due to mental health issues It is crucial to inform your mediator if any of these factors may be at play in your case so they can determine how to best help you.

Take our questionnaire to learn if mediation is right for you.

6) Does mediation always work? It works a majority of the time – as much as 90% percent of it – but not always. There may be times when the two parties simply cannot reach a mutual settlement.

For more questions you may have regarding the process, please visit our FAQs page

To understand better how Conscious Family divorce mediation can help your family, contact us now.